i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Be still, my beating vagina.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
