I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Randomize
