We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
