Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize