best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Randomize
