walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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