Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
