So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm passing your future prison.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
