your room smells of hookers.
And success
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
