Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
