This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
