she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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