So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
