i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
