Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
