what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize
