i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
