Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
