I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
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