My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize