Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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