Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
