elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
