yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
im holly from the hills drunk
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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