Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
