... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
