i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize