tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
