Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
