I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
