I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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