He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
