hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
