either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
