I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
