Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
