i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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