I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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