hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
