So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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