Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize