That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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