just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
