i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
