Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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