He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
