So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize