two words: eviction party
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
