Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
