Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
