the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
