I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
