need another drink. this is the easiest way
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
