the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He kissed a someone with a penis
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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