just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
