Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
