after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
