my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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