I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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