Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
