in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
