I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
