i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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