somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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