I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
