I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
