She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
