she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
