Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
