Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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