Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize