I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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