The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
