I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
