She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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