You really coming over, don't trick.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
