I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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