last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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