I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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