please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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