Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
