Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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