Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
