how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
