Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You made out with two different species that night
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
