It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
