Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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