His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
