He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize