I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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