Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize