My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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